The unfair fairness

It was a lovely Sunday. Perfect weather, the most fattening Singaporean dishes at the farmer's market followed by vintage dress hunting at JetRag filled up my day. There was one more highlight to the day. The grand finale of MTV Roadies season 5.

I've been following MTV Roadies all the way, much like a hundreds of thousands of other Indians. It's a game show where courage and thrill come to life, a show that tests participant's ability to play politics and usually is gripping till the last second. It's somewhat an Indian take on The Survivor. I love it for the wackiest challenges (tasks) they come up with and the mind games the hosts play with the 20 something kids who're dying to get some fame/success/kick out of it.

Today's mind game was brilliant! Three finalists remained. Whoever would climb the mountain first in 110 F would be in a position to pick one of the remaining two finalists as an opponent. The third finalist would be out of the game.

Kiri, the very passionate roadie, who'd been trying to get into this game since 5 years, climbed the mountain the fastest. Just when it was time for him to pick his opponent, the two hosts who're known for their brutal attitude and harsh words began to confront Kiri. Host 1 was yelling at him to do the smart thing and pick the weak opponent suggesting that winning is everything. Host 2, doing the exact opposite, and asking him to pick the tuff opponent to get some respect since there's no big deal about defeating someone weak. Kiri, like any other normal person, had planned on picking the weak opponent. But 15 minutes of boot camp style confrontational yelling at him with two starkly different opinions made him weak in his knee. He picked the tuff opponent and lost!!! He lost the title he had dreamt of, the huge prize money that went with it and all the success that was to follow. Respect he perhaps won, but at what cost?

I was slightly upset since I was rooting for him. I was upset because the hosts had influenced him enough to change his decision. It was plain unfair. But then fair enough.

It reminded me of some turning points in my life and that tiny voice or voices rather that go off in my head any time I land up in unusual situations. I frequently find myself torn between two completely different paths I should be going. I've gone down one path and regretted. In a similar situation the next time around, I've gone down the second path and regretted as well. I am quick to blame it on people who convinced me to go down those lanes. I often feel it was unfair to me just because I am slightly impressionable. Shouldn't the onus be equally on the one who's counseling you if it didn't work out? But I've played the blame game and no one's had a heart big enough to admit it. Today it hit me that it is fair, fair because I'll always be faced with opinions and the ultimate responsibility of picking the solution should be on me. Me me me. And no one else.

That makes it so much harder though. I need some double chocolate ice-cream to forget about the uneasiness of it all.