Are Indian men ready to jump?

My article on GQIndia.com

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to spend an evening with a few businessmen from China. While the topics of conversation ranged from Macau gambling anecdotes to Sharapova’s comeback and from the sinking Euro to the newest model of Lamborghini parked outside, the one topic that made every Chinese eye on the dinner table sparkle with unrestrained enthusiasm was Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

Now I'm a diehard Lakers fan, but by the end of the evening, it was clear to me that basketball has penetrated the world’s most populated nation. And then I saw what I was not prepared to see: A picture of Kobe, in a traditional purple silk Chinese blouse with enormous print and thick gold borders on his sleeves instead of the yellow/purple jersey I’m so accustomed to, as a wallpaper on one of their phones. Now, I frequently picture Kobe ferociously dunking from halfway across the court in a shiny printed silk blouse and feel severely traumatized.

China’s love affair with basketball began long before most European countries had heard of it. Fast forward to the early 2000s and the NBA (National Basketball Association) had turned out to the most popular sports league in China. China is in fact the largest market for the NBA outside the US, courtesy Yao Ming, the first and only (and now retired) Chinese player to make it to the NBA. On the drive home, thanks to the myriad Indo-China comparisons our media, economists and politicians have conditioned me with over the years, I began to think about basketball in India. 

So where does India figure in this story of a nation embracing a new sport professionally? It’s on the verge of it, from all the stories I hear. And it has all the right reasons. Basketball is a fast-paced game that gets the pulse racing and adrenaline pumping; it doesn’t make you linger around for hours as in football or hockey just to witness a goal. And here’s a non-scientific but effective test: Every NBA game I’ve attended, I’ve heard the Indians in the crowd cheer just as loud if not louder than the rest and small as my sample size may be, it tells me that there’s nothing in our DNA that’d forbid us from becoming basketball fans.

To gain a little insight, I caught up with Karan Madhok, who is smack in the middle of all the basketball action in India. The signs of impending change are prominent and the developments are rather encouraging: the NBA increasing its presence and promotional activities in India, a Director of Basketball Operations from the NBA setting up base in Mumbai (bringing along with him coaching clinics and training camps), a multi-city recreational league as a result of the NBA-Mahindra alliance, and a 30-year IMG-Reliance partnership set up to create a surge in infrastructure development across the country. The blueprint has been laid out and the momentum is building up. We could just be a couple of years away from a professional basketball league in India, Madhok says. Now all we need is a player or two from India to make it to the NBA to stimulate our interest and all eyes are on the impossibly tall and talented Bhullar brothers and Satnam Singh.

Obstinate as we may be, we invariably end up making room for the new. Clothes, shoes, crushes, relationships, taste buds. We let go of our reins and watch as the old and the new learn to co-exist in harmony. We’ve already been privy to football fever sweeping over the under-35 demographic in India and its time for the age-old craze to scoot over a bit further.

How long before we see Kobe Bryant sporting an atrocious maharaja outfit at an exhibition game in India? If that doesn’t win Indian hearts and bring them over to the other side, I don’t know what will. 

The next big eerie thing

This appeared on GQIndia.com last week

Coachella, the mother of all music festivals, or so us patrons like to believe, will be remembered for a lot more than kickass music this year. What other festival is spread over two weekends with the exact same lineup of popular and upcoming musicians/bands because there’s just no ground big enough to accommodate about 120,000 die-hard fans? Electrifying acts aside, the biggest bolt from the blue was undoubtedly a hologram resurrecting late rappers Tupac Shakur and Nate Dogg last Sunday.


What’s being referred to as Tupac’s hologram (or his ghost, depending on which side of the coin you want to see), the technology is all set to revolutionize performances and concerts. It’s not a new concept in the least. It’s been around since the 19th century. You’ve seen it plenty in Star Wars. This application of the concept isn’t new either. The first hologram concert was the ‘World is mine’ by Hatsune Miku, who is a female persona, in Tokyo. The video is worth a watch (it’s on YouTube) just for her moves if nothing else. Trust Japan to manufacture a pop star out of nothing. And it wasn’t a one time concert to showcase the marriage of music and technology either. She regularly performs and goes on tours. But Tupac’s, conceptualized and orchestrated by Dr. Dre, was a first of sorts created for an actual person. And it awed as the late rappers performed along side a live Snoop Dogg. It was truly an incredible jaw-dropping-eyes-popping-out-heart-skipping-a-beat moment.

Digital Domain Media is the company behind the lifelike Tupac Shakur visual effect. Rumor has it that soon enough the company might arrange for Tupac, the 25-year old rapper who was shot to death in Vegas in 1996, to go on tour. Rumor also has it that The Jackson 5 has proposed a similar tour of Michael Jackson. While I’m namedropping, I heard about the Beatles too.

So how does it all work? An oversimplified explanation goes like this. An image is projected onto a mirror that reflects it down to a transparent film that is tightly stretched in a 45 degree angle and ends up looking like 3D. Though the projected image has been widely described as a "hologram," it is a 2-D image and not a hologram, which is 3-D. A single projection can cost up to $400k. It is also extremely difficult and time consuming to create but the results can be quite precise as already witnessed.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. A huge part of Japan’s proposal to host the 2022 FIFA World Cup is to broadcast entire games to stadiums all across the world in life-sized holograms. To get a taste of this, check out the promotional videos on the 2022 bid website.

As long as we’re speculating, the technology can do wonders for those with loaded wallets. For instance, bringing to life your favorite deceased grandma in her beach house. Of course, you’ll need a footage of her. Or a Jimi Hendrix fan making him perform at his wedding reception. Or dirty dancing with Patrick Swayze. Or having a Muhammad Ali for an opponent and even beating him. Or an adult movie star in your bedroom. The possibilities are limitless.

Pretty soon, the lines will be so blurred, they won’t call it a parallel universe anymore.

Inside the Grammys

This appeared on GQIndia.com today

It isn’t everyday in LA when couture, glitz, talent and celebs come together to celebrate music. Well actually, it is, but the 54th edition of the annual Grammy awards at Staples Center brought more of the usual suspects out to play than usual. The influence of music and eminence of the Grammys infused life in the air way before the awards began. Countless limos and Lamborghinis, media vans, reporters, photographers, security guards and cops enveloped the venue as the rich, the famous and the gifted posed at myriad pre-parties highlighted by glittering curtains, exquisite floral arrangements and flowing wine that sprawled across the hotel lobbies, clubs and restaurants around the venue. As I made by way through a couple of those parties, the names that relentlessly fell on my ears were Adele and Whitney. Oh, the Beach Boys, given that they were reuniting after eons. All the speculation involved Gaga’s entry and all the jokes were on Chris Brown.

The red carpet displayed the customary razzle-dazzle. Loads of elegance, skin, shimmer, smiles and quirks. It was a strange concoction of the old and the new, the geniuses and the admirers, the clean shaven and the tattooed ones with piercings, the gelled hair and the punk hair, men without makeup and men with excessive makeup but together they make it work. I spotted Jay Sean from a distance adjusting his tie for a while in the car window (it ain’t just the ladies who can’t resist a sneak peek each time they bypass a mirror). Rebecca Black and Shaggy were both there, chilling, walking, seemingly unaware of the trauma they’ve caused to the world. I caught Paris Hilton pop a big piece, cheese or white chocolate, in her mouth when no one was looking. Paris eats! Who knew? Bruno Mars finally looked all grown up just as much as Taylor Swift did.

Fashion was at its best as it should be given the occasion. There was enough blinding illumination from gold and silver at the scene to put the sun out of business. Sasha Gradiva toted machine guns on her right arm where as Nicki Minaj startled with a bizarre red hooded outfit and a bishop on her right arm. She definitely did a one up on the egg from last year that Gaga was thus making it the wackiest moment of the evening. Gaga was a no show on the red carpet which is just not done, but attended, her face all covered behind a black net. Jessie J wore molten metal and looked like a disco ball, Katy Perry matched her hair with her blue fluid dress whereas Fergie, the rebel that she is, showed up in a risqué red-hot see-through outfit. Julianne Hough looked charming and Rihanna, quite sultry. If there’s such a thing as the perfect shade of black to complement your skin, Ri Ri found it. Internet music sensations Sophia Grace and Rosie were all cutesy, posing in their princessy outfits when I spotted the only t-shirts of the night on Foo Fighter’s band members. As for the men, Eric Benet, Adam Levine and Kings of Leon band members looked impeccable but all eyes were on A-Trak, Skrillex and Diplo.

Once I got inside, there were several noteworthy performances. Bruce Springsteen kicked off the event with a very yellow guitar but my heart fluttered where Maroon 5 opened for the Beach Boys. Remember Kokomo? Paul McCartney, Chris Brown, Civil Wars, Adele, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Coldplay – they all rocked the stage with their acts but Jennifer Hudson stole the show with her tribute. It’s not an award show unless there’s some misses to go with the hits. Presenting Bruno Mars. I take back what I said about him earlier. He is still not grown up enough to be allowed to perform.

Speeches were short and sweet accompanied by a tear or two in certain cases. Nothing out of the world. Host LL Cool J kicked it off with a prayer for Whitney Houston and said there’s a death in the family. That was touching. Then there were the speeches that never happened… like Skrillex, even after winning 3 categories.

I almost forgot the awards. If you thought 2011 was the year of Adele, you were right. Her ‘21’ was album of the year with a total of 6 awards for the night. Other big winners of the night were Kanye West, Jay-Z, Foo Fighters, Chris Brown, Lady Antebellum and Bon Iver, who was oddly given the 'best newcomer' award.

Oh, and dubstep's most friendless man Skrillex won three - and gave a perplexing shout out to London satellite town Croydon, known for its underground dubstep scene. There was no sign of reciprocal appreciation for the man who stands accused of inventing 'bro-step'. Worse still, he was the victim of a 'trolling' manoeuvre by electro-house producer Deadmau5, who wore a t-shirt with Skrillex's phone number on it - cue Skrillex activating call forwarding on his number to, you've guessed it, Deadmau5's phone. Who says these two masters of commercial beats lack imagination?

In conclusion, the event was terrific - very raw and entertaining and there was tremendous positive energy and lovely vibes from all around. The finale was grand. All in all, an evening I won’t forget for a long time. As the host summed it up succinctly, the night was about music and healing. Now only if I hadn’t spilled my tinted drink on my unforgiving dress, it would have been a perfect night.

Festivals and the modern man

This appeared on GQIndia.com

Most people I know get charming gifts for Christmas and holidays. Cruise tickets, bling, electronics, designer watches. I get calendars. All possible varieties. The regular one with US federal holidays from vendors, the Hindu calendar that the temple sends me with a prefix of Mr. on the envelope, a spoof of the Mayan calendar, family birthdays calendar from a cousin, the Indian holidays calendar.

The Indian Holidays calendar got me thinking about Indian men and festivals. How should the modern gentleman participate in festivals? Is the urban, sophisticated, well-traveled man a conformist when it comes to traditions? Does he partake in age-old celebrations just like everyone else with the same enthusiasm, or with restraint? It’s not unusual to hear adjectives like "low key", "intimate", "peaceful" extensively in conjunction with festivities while talking to men. How, for instance, might he celebrate the kite-flying festival? Would he feel comfortable being on the rooftop amidst a sea of others as they get boorish and aggressive, all set to chop off the competitor's pride? Would he scream his heart out when he does succeed and announce his victory going at it full throttle with requisite facial expressions and accompanying body language with a little jig thrown in? Or would he rather buy a piece of art for a kite from the Chinese vendors who've set up shop on the exhibition grounds and silently take his possession to the international kite competition and fly, observe and internalize the process and later blog about what it did for him?

Or Holi. After years of doing it the same way, would he crave to do it any differently, perhaps a tad more discreet? Instead of dunking everyone and their mom in colored water tanks or flinging water balloons, would be rather prefer a single color for symbolism, take along an intimate group of friends to the beach and watch the sunset as they made tea on the campfire, a hint of color accentuating their faces, indulging in animated discussions?

Does bhaang have to be the highlight of Maha Shivratri for him or would he be tempted to take that trip he's been thinking of to the Kailash-Mansarovar region and feel closer to the Almighty as he camps out next to the highest body of freshwater lake in the world, capturing the play of sun rays on Mount Kailash with his digital camera firmly rooted on a tripod? If the modern man is going to take his cues from the rest of the world, he probably won't be getting too down and dirty with everyone else.

Take Ganesha Chaturthi. If you've ever been to the Mumbai one, you're familiar with the clamor, the colors, the processions and the euphoria. The city virtually comes to a standstill. But if you were to celebrate it in San Francisco, you'd have to take your Ganesha Idol to the Hindu temple where it'd be tested for bio-degradability before you could board the bus to Pier 49 and take a 3 hour cruise to the middle of the ocean, which is the only ‘spot’ that the city environmental agencies have approved for drowning of the idols.

I'd like to think the modern Indian man can find a middle ground here somewhere. Sure, if you're living in the US you probably can't throw colours on non-Holi celebrators without getting sued, but in India, isn't it about time you got involved like everyone else? No one likes the guy who is always standing at the sidelines, however perfectly groomed he looks.

The other "woman"

This appeared on GQIndia.com in December.

She’s new, she’s famous, she’s exotic and she’s a game changer. Ladies, that’s just one of a million ways to describe the new “woman” in your man’s life, come November 25. You’ve read all about her. You are familiar with her upsides and downsides. You’ve heard all the jokes on her, twice. It’s taken the curiosity out of the equation. In this over familiarity sans proximity streak, you have not had half a reason to be concerned. After all, a name like ‘Siri’ could hardly pose a threat for you. Think again.

Set to be released later this week, the iPhone 4S has a faster processor, sharper screen, updated apps like iMovie, Truphone, Pandora, 8.0 Megapixel with f/2.4 camera specs (as compared to 5.0 Megapixel with f/2.8 in iPhone 4) and combined GSM/CDMA capability for better service. But a huge reason people want to get this iPhone 4s is because of Siri. Voice recognition isn’t a new concept but Siri is an intelligent software assistant functioning as a personal assistant application for iOS and a deftly designed one at that. It can find you a dentist, remind you to send someone flowers and compose a text message. One huge plus is that she doesn’t nag like her GPS counterparts and offers conversational interaction with many apps like email, calendar, contacts, music, etc. Siri may have limited functionality outside of the US in that it may not have maps, directions and traffic data but she doesn’t discriminate between the Indian and other accents in English.

Ladies – if the man in your life is already pre-ordering it, here is what you should expect. I’ve heard stories from friends and colleagues alike and while my sample size may have been small, the behavioral patterns were startlingly similar. It’ll start with innocuous questions in your presence to check the weather, stocks and reminders. He may ask her to play your favorite song to impress you. Soon his questions will drift into the gray areas of what she looks like, what she’s wearing, what size is she. She’ll tell him she looks shiny and he’ll laugh. It’ll give him courage to chase her. You’ll catch him asking her profound life questions to entertain you but no sooner than you turn around, he’ll ask her out. Given that she’s smart and funny, he’s sure to be hooked. Her answers have a variety. Sometimes she repeats, other times, surprises with a witty or even an absurd one. You might see him turn into a pathetic little love bug asking her if she loves him. She can be stern and can cut him to size, thankfully. When her sarcasm stops amusing him, you might be exposed to his dark side as he begins to verbally abuse her. Fret not, for you won’t have to cover up for his bad behavior or apologise. She may not give him the look but she will sternly say, ‘play nice’ and he will. She’ll go into a loop sometimes not deciphering his questions and frustrating him but other times, she will please him by embellishing her answer with ‘master’. It might make him go weak in the knees and he’ll ask her to marry him. All this, of course, under the pretext of eliciting an interesting response. Truth of the matter may be that he’s fascinated by his interpretation of a personal assistant who’s at his touch at all times. It’s probably a universal male fantasy.

What you should be doing instead of getting concerned or annoyed is taking advantage of this situation by going to spas, shopping and enjoying night outs with your gal pals for he may not even notice you’re gone. Just know that a piece of technology can perhaps engage him for a week and may turn into borderline obsession but leave the two alone, keep the fussing at bay and you’ll watch him happily return to you from what may seem like a point of no return.

On a closing note, I’d love two versions of the iPhone 4S in the market, the other one with a male voice. It’s only fair.

Sizing up Europe's men

This appeared on GQIndia.com this week.

While on a business trip to Europe last week, in addition to the usual breathing in the foreign air, soaking in the marvelous architecture and coming to terms with bizarre menu options, I couldn’t help but notice the sartorial segregation of men at work. From the airport to the hotel and from coffee shops to restaurants, three major circles of businessmen were evident: Europeans, Indians and Americans. Spotting Indians is rarely challenging but even for the remaining two categories, one didn’t even have to be in the vicinity to overhear the accent. You could tell them apart by the way they dressed.

It’s incredible how trends vary so much by continent. The European look was the most hard-hitting of them all. It was the skinny look all the way - slim fit shirts with buttons that looked like they’d pop if anybody dare inhale, even slimmer pants paired with funky cardigans, edgy belts and intriguing scarves. Eyewear was reminiscent of Mad Men, shoes were elongated with tapered toes and there wasn’t a dull colour in sight. If there's anyone who can pull of a baby pink or a snazzy purple shirt with steel silver pants in an office environment and still impress the crowd with a presentation on emerging trends on mobile apps, it's those from Western Europe. They even rocked colored sweaters and man bags.

Americans, although sharply dressed, majorly lost points on the edgy quotient. They stuck to conventions – dark, plain or striped suits with shirts in expected colors paired with power ties and aviators. The very adventurous one’s had on a sports coat. Score! When they walked alongside their European counterparts, it was hard to not notice the yards and yards of additional fabric that was used to construct their pants. The ones with pleats gave the illusion of being bubble pants. Skinny who?

Indian businessmen weren't too far behind the Americans. Some stuck to standard boring suits, the rest showed up in neutral coloured shirts and pants that didn't seem to get along with those shirts one bit. Black shoes, black socks, black laptop bag - you get the drift. Formula driven isn't so bad in theory but oh so lackluster and blah when it is across the board.

Dear Indian businessmen, I don’t mean to be harsh and I know you probably have gotten thumbs up on your dressing style by your colleagues and your mom thinks you look like a rock star but look at it through my unforgiving eyes and you might just cringe. I have one word for you – GQ. Flip through those pages with half as much dedication as you flip the financial magazines, take those tips seriously, infuse some pizzazz and you might just like what you see in the mirror. A touch of style never harmed a man.

Hail H-visas

This appeared on GQIndia.com yesterday.

It's time for fashion week committees to overlook the conventional seasons and take note of the political season because it's the hottest of them all. In various parts of the world, decade old rulers are been overthrown as new stylish blood makes its way in. Here in the US, the presidential race picks up more steam every day. The reasons include everything from outrageous claims to outrageous proposals and everything in between by race runners.

Here’s one intriguing story. A Republican candidate recently suggested, hold your breath, that the U.S. negotiate a bilateral free trade agreement with India. The politico in the spotlight is Jon Huntsman. If you must ask, he's a center-right conservative or what I call fully flexible. Of course that's only the case before adequate caffeine has kicked into my system.

The million dollar question is, does the state he once governed (Utah) sound more inconsequential to you than the politician himself? If you have trouble remembering his American name, get this. He has a Chinese name too. Hong Bopei. I want two names!

While you mull over that, here's the scoop. The latest trend, just like no-show socks for men, is presidential candidates submitting job proposals to create more employment opportunities in the nation. Mitt Romney (the robotic presidential candidate) submitted one. John Boehner (house speaker) did. So did Jon Huntsman and surprise surprise, India was tossed around like olive oil in a mixed green salad. He made a great point that since 95 percent of the world's customers live outside U.S. borders, opening more markets for American businesses spark immediate growth. He also suggested that Washington must immediately start discussions with India to end in a bilateral free trade agreement strengthening US and India’s relationship. Of course I agree, given the limited foreign policy knowledge I possess. Which reminds me, it's time I quit the 'I have more foreign policy knowledge than Sarah Palin' group on Facebook. It was an impulse; it's done her no harm and done me no good.

Jon also said that in New Delhi amongst other cities, US competitors are making the hard choices that will help assure their children have better lives. I'm willing to bet my new SLR that he hasn't had time to catch up on what hard choices New Delhi has been making recently from Kiran Bedi’s ghoonghat act to Rahul’s MIA act to Sushma Swaraj’s dance act to the PM’s silence act. Someone give him access to Indian mainstream media, please.

But let’s get to the meat. Imagine a bilateral trade agreement between India and US. Taxes, tariffs and quotas - all lifted, reduced or restricted. Imagine. No H1. No H visa! H-visas are the iPods of visas. Entire ancillary industries have been created, from lawyers and body-shoppers to fortune tellers who thrive on this visa. One day, all gone. I shudder to think of what will the immigration population obsess with. It's the single most common factor that binds millions of Indians in the US.

But let me not get ahead of myself here and get all carried away with proposals by the Manchurian Candidate, as the media refers to him. Chances are, most Americans haven't heard of him and never may. Hail H-visas!

Here is the link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/hail-h-visas

The last laugh

This appeared on GQIndia.com in August '11.

If you haven't been keeping up with news from Capitol Hill, get this. Exceptional performance by people of Indian origin in the White House from the Director of Social Innovation to the Intergovernmental Affairs seems to have persuaded Mr. Obama to engage Indian stand-up comics in special White House events. In an upcoming reception, seven Indian comics are scheduled to perform.

OK, I made that up but it can easily happen. There's been an explosion of ethnic comics in the US in the past decade and at the forefront of this trend are South Asian Americans.

When my non-Indian (Filipino and South Korean, to be precise) colleagues started throwing around jokes by Russell Peters and Aziz Ansari and made me the target, unabashedly so, I knew I had to do a deep dive and get ahead in the game. Looking for Filipino and South Korean comedians sounded like too much work so I went the Indian comedian route and voilà, was I in for a treat. Not only did I stumble upon humor that made me laugh so hard my neighbors came knocking, but it was more universal than I'd imagined and gave me plenty of fodder for payback.

I caught up with one such comic in LA. Declared by Russell Peters as one of the only two U.S. based Indian "comics to watch," Rajiv Satyal, of FunnyIndian.com, is the small, bespectacled Indian guy from Ohio whose witty and TV-clean act covers everything from racial (not racist, as he graciously clarifies) issues to soap bottles to his favorite topic - himself. He has repeatedly performed in sold-out shows across the U.S. and from Switzerland to Oman to India. Ethnic humor, he claims, has been evolving at a rapid pace, but South Asians in this country are not running out of material. He confirms that every Indian comedian worth his salt isn’t restricted to doing ethnic humor – quite a few are humorists who happen to be ethnic.

Indians in the US have long been on the receiving end of jokes but the tide seems to have turned now. You can spot them being comfortably on the giving end of jokes as well. From Aziz Ansari to Arj Barker and several in between, the comedy space is quickly getting filled with some zest.

They’re funny, a tad irreverent, their accents are impeccable and their observations about events in general and ethnic groups in particular qualify them as equal opportunity comics. Rajiv says a lot of South Asians are not only funny, they’re also broadly appealing - brown fits snugly between black and white and they appear to seamlessly bridge the gap between the Caucasian majority and the colored minorities.

For all those who want to be funny in real life, he points out that not many women care to be around a joker perpetually. But try to get out of your comfort zone and put an entertaining spin to your observations and opinions and you might just get women flocking to you.

Here is a link to the article on GQIndia.com
http://www.gqindia.com/content/last-laugh

Superman - that's you

This appeared on GQIndia.com yesterday.

You’d think being a successful Hollywood star would more than suffice to surpass most people’s wildest dreams. Not for James Franco. I was at an event recently where he was promoting a movie (yes, I breathed the same air, and no, I didn’t faint) he’s written, directed and produced, titled The Broken Tower. Incidentally, he plays the lead role. It took me more than a few web searches to believe that he’s not just a charmer, a superstar and “the sexiest man alive” as a popular magazine once declared him. He’s also an author, painter, performance artist, has attended six universities including Columbia and Yale and might enroll for his second PhD next year. All this while working on several big banner movies including one with a certain Ms. Pinto. And hosting the Oscars and volunteering for a charity.

He isn’t the lone contender in the ‘overambitious Hollywood glitterati’ category: there’s Seth MacFarlane and Neil Patrick Harris for starters.

But India, of course, has an answer for these distinguished men. Farhan Akhtar: Filmmaker, script writer, actor, playback singer, lyricist, film producer and television host. More recently, Aamir Khan can lay claim to more simultaneous identities than a ventriloquist.

What’s with these talented men with inordinate superhuman qualities that make the rest of them look bad? And how on earth do they have it all? The bottom line is, with some raising the bar so high on overachievement, when have you really ‘arrived’?

Now gentlemen, this is more trouble for the average man than he might fathom. Women look and learn, and by extension apply twisted logic, set up similar expectations from their other halves or boyfriends and demand nothing less. If not writing, then writing cheques for them/their friends and families; if not directing, then cooking; if not producing, then doing repair jobs around the house; if not acting, then acting as a personal chauffer; if not a six pack, then at least sartorially inclined; if not a playback singer, then being able to be the life of a party; if not a comedian then, well, that one is not optional. You get the drift.

So dear men, with deepest sympathies, I suggest you fasten your seatbelt and shift to the fast lane. You’ve just been enrolled into the overachiever race without your consent, and protesting will not work. You might as well enjoy the ride. Don’t be tempted to think it’s it an early-life crisis, and you might get quite get a kick out of where it takes you.

Here's a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://bit.ly/mXqHu8

Chasing the fantasy

This appeared on GQIndia.com today

It hasn’t been much longer since Thor, the American superhero film based on a comic book character got released. The Norse powerhouse is still going strong at the box office. As with every other superhero film, this too had invaded my personal space via obsession by all the men in my vicinity. But the pirates are here to save me that trauma now.

I’ve been gleefully unbitten by superhero films bug but I’m afraid the mode is unsustainable. If nothing else, I need them to safeguard my dignity during water cooler discussions. When someone’s passionately talking about how cool the mosaic design of Asgard, Thor’s mythical realm is, I don’t stand a chance with how skittish I found the tone of Bridesmaids movie. It’s not just superhero characters that gets men glued. It’s a variety of characters that capture their hearts. Year after year, Hollywood has delivered one or more such mega blockbusters to get the men hooked with their collection of action set pieces and thrill a la amusement park rides. The variety is immense but the patterns aren’t all that unpredictable.

If you look at the past decade, 2000 was the year of the mutants. X-Men hit it big. 2001 started a new era of sorts with Hobbits and Wizards taking center stage until 2003. The spectacular Lord of the Rings trilogy released each year 2001 onwards, which I tried to like except that the faceless evil continued giving me nightmares. Wizards weren’t much further behind. 2001 and 2002 was their year as well with two films on Harry Porter. I think my threshold for fear might be way lower than someone half my size because even the Harry Porter movies sent shivers down my spine during half the scenes. Zombies made an appearance in 2004 in a couple of films whereas wizards remained strong for two successive years around then. Finally, the pattern was broken in 2006 with the uber sexy pirate Captain Sparrow who won over through negotiations and wit instead of weapon or force, both on and off screen. Wizards returned again the following year and have continued, albeit with weaker impact with each successive film. And then, a new phenomenon hit the world. Those bloodiest blood suckers! 2008 and 2009 have been the years of vampires and werewolves but with any luck, Twilight killed those and we’re done for good. Before we knew it, it was zombies again with Thor.

Will the zombie phase continue? The genre seems to be slowly devolving. Zombies combined with vampires? Zompires? God I hope not. Captain Sparrow is chasing the fountain of youth in his latest but if critics are to be believed, this movie is nothing to speak of and it might just be the end of the series. What else could come up? Gnomes? Just kidding. Cowboys? Ninjas? The Hobbit series starts next year and with Orlando Bloom, it’s sure to gain cult status. If characters in real life were half as interesting, we wouldn’t be leaning so much on the fictional ones. Glenn Beck, Charlie Sheen and Rebecca Black – what say?

A party in the desert

This appeared on GQIndia.com few weeks back.

If you’re quite the jet setter and looking for the next compelling reason to travel with an exclamation point, like watching a volcano erupt or being a part of a carnival or seeing the cherry trees blossom, here’s one. Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, commonly known as Coachella is a three day mega annual festival with a lineup, as they say, to impress the snobbiest of music snobs, starting this weekend.

Coachella regularly features in the top ten music festivals across the world amongst others like Glastonbury in UK, Fuji Rock in Japan, Primavera in Spain, etc. It is hosted in the Coachella Valley, about two hours east of Los Angeles.

Being a two time partaker, it continues to lure and enchant me. It’s got enough artsy edge and runs smoothly over three days and nights. And it’s got something for everyone. It features several genres of music including alternative rock, indie and electronic music and there’s ginormous sculptural art to add punch to the remarkable line up. It’s not uncommon to see bands like Kings of Leon, Arcade Fire, Kanye West, The Black Keys, Interpol, The Chemical Brothers, Mumford & Sons, Duran Duran and several other eminent and the not-so-famous ones be on top of their game and give stellar performances. And then once in a while, you’ll see, like I did, Madonna ask the crowd “Should I take my pants off?” Don’t ask me how that ended for it caused a stampede and I nearly got crushed. The location unquestionably adds the mystique factor. It’s against the backdrop of the Mojave Desert and with 60,000 die-hard music lovers and 40d Celsius, it’s as hot as it gets.

Dozens of tents are spread out across this vast area so simultaneous performances don’t bleed into each other’s space. It’ll make you walk miles between stages to see what you want. But with all the alcohol you’ll end up drinking, it won’t hurt to get some exercise and fresh air to counterbalance the debauchery. For those who can’t deal with the crowds, there’s an exceptional VIP area with leather couches, a fancy bar and even a powder room for the ladies and you never know which celebrity you might run into there. By the end of day one, the environment gets electrifying and contagious and you’ll love the vibes you get from fellow attendees. Whatever you do, don’t camp if you want to avoid the inevitable running into drugged up or sloshed people.

If you’re like me and not overly familiar with all the bands, you’ll leave the festival on Sunday armed with an entirely new repertoire of good music from a variety of genres that you may not have known about outside of the festival.

At the end of it all, you will be in a daze, sleep deprived and exhausted, your legs will ache from walking a ton and your thumbs will be tired from texting, you'll be hung over and might feel like you've lost your hearing ability from the speakers blasting music but you'll have experienced something phenomenal.

Dance baby dance

This appeared on GQIndia.com today.


I was at an ice hockey game recently. Just as I entered the arena, the referee dropped the puck between two opposing forwards and off began a terrific adrenalin pumping game. It was the usual: the barely there goals, the screams, the fights, an almost broken tooth on one of the wingers, caramel popcorn; the works. There was nothing there that I hadn't seen before or so I thought.

During penalties or stoppages, the Cheerleaders or Ice Girls as they're popularly knows as, would storm out like an avalanche on their skates with cleaning gear, their midriffs bared, sweeping the ice that’d pile up on the rink. While the male audiences around opted for sleaze infused verbal outbursts ("yeah clean it hard baby"), my eyes rested on a certain cheerleader doing the rounds. It took me two rounds of them sweeping to figure out the interest factor. She was our very own! Desi facial features (I was in the front row and got a good close up once as she stormed passed me), long dark hair and however much I try to steer clear of stereotyping, what appeared to be classic desi curves. So bizarre!

The concept has been alive in the West way too long for anyone to give it a second thought. I’d once come across a six year old cheerleader with such kickass moves, I suspected she might turn into a one girl army and put the pro ones out of business soon. It's no pom-poms and pep rallies here; its big business. Some high schools offer it as a credited course and several colleges offer scholarships for it. I might get in trouble for writing this but they make it look like they practice more than the team they cheer for.

It's been a rather new thing for India since IPL came around. With movie stars and industrialists stepping forward to have stake in cricket teams, it was hardly surprising that some elements of entertainment were introduced. As with anything new and provocative, this also got its share of bad publicity, outrage and condemning. But resilience is built upon surviving criticism and fighting back as Shahrukh Khan had displayed by referring to cheerleading as a 'sport'. I don’t get why there’s no room for Indian cheerleaders on cricket teams though. From item song extras to dancing on the field, the transition has been seamless for the exotic ones. The thick whitening lotions for men and women won’t let our obsession with light skin die, will it?

But this reverse trend had me part cringe, part rejoice. Like most other significant or otherwise developments in the world, I probably slept through the shift when one, possibly several Indian girls strived to make a mark in an unusual profession on foreign soil.

Later that weekend I googled that ice hockey team's cheerleader webpage. As is the fate of half my stories, she wasn't Indian, just looked the part. Yeah, I tend to go too far.


Here's a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/dance-desi-dance

India: a survivor's guide

My post on GQIndia.com today.

My American friends, Fussball and Zealot (names changed to convey personality traits) had just returned from a long vacation to India so I invited them over for dinner to hear about it.

They'd spent 8 weeks mostly traveling through hard-to-reach spots, everything from Leh to Gangtok to Andaman Islands. Fussball looked five shades darker, quite a deviation from his ultra pale complexion, which meant one could spot him in pictures now. Zealot looked happy with a deep inner glow, which meant her dream of hanging with Lamas on monastery porches had probably come true.

After the initial download of 'in awe' stories about the “breathtaking beauty, unique history, incredible architecture, scrumptious cuisine and hospitable culture” came the fun ones.

Fussball spared no details about all the conclusions he had drawn which he now wants to pass on as wisdom to other fellow travelers to India:
 Male passengers on overnight trains have mastered the art of synchronized snoring. It's deafening and frustrating but at least it's well choreographed. Carrying popcorn to toss in their open mouths can help momentarily.
 Use ‘Kumar’ as your last name while keeping your American first name intact and you’re guaranteed exceptional service in hotels, restaurants and public transport.
 In metros you’re just one of them but in rural areas, if they try to touch you, take your picture with their phone or run behind you, don’t fret. Return the favor and you'll either amuse them or scare them away.
 Inquisitiveness runs deep in the country so be prepared to divulge details anytime anywhere on everything from current relationship status to what you gain out of chewing on gum all day.
 Queues aren’t all that hard to figure out. Abandon all courtesies, “actively queue” and defend your position lest someone and his entire clan get ahead of you.
 If you lack horns and a tail, get real and don’t expect traffic to flow around you. Shout or get your vehicle to shout. Loudest one gets the right of way.
 Get your facts right. Ask someone if they speak Hindu and you might hear "I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity."
 There are times when “excuse me” may not work but “arrey bhaisaab” almost always does. You just gotta emote and say it right.
 Never question the inexplicable kick some guys get out of urinating on monuments. Dark corners of palaces, monuments and even temples across the country unmistakably smell of ammoniac. Move on.
 They are surprisingly empathetic to your digestive problems which you will have soon as you land. Blame your low immunity and food gluttony for that one.

Zealot had a rather sweet set of conclusions that included phrases like ‘joy in her heart' and ‘song on her lips' and was mesmerized by the exotic nature of it all.

Needless to mention, despite all the entertaining anecdotes, Fussball got served no dessert that night and Zealot got more than her share of it.

Here is a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/india-survivors-guide

Up in the air

My post on GQIndia.com today.

If you're anything like me, the looming fear of being stuck on the window seat with a startlingly private, exceptionally cold or utterly uninteresting “flight mate” becomes prominent as flights that span over multiple days come closer. With my India trip itinerary flashing on my calendar, the speculation of landing up with a non-fabulous flight mate is causing me more anxiety than real issues like catching connecting flights in time or dealing with disgusting lavatories.

I wouldn't consider me lucky in the matter of air company. Time and again, I've ended up with the exact opposite profile of mine in the next seat. Sure I carry a book and flip through magazines and catch a couple of already seen movies and marvel at the artistic patterns that clouds form at 30,000 feet above ground and carry a fully charged laptop but after a bit, tête-à-tête beckons.

So here’s a shout out to airline companies. Wouldn’t it be incredible if you could use a little creativity when assigning seats to your customers? It’s no secret that at the click of a button, we all become a bunch of demographics at least here in the US – female, under 30, single, loves sushi, goth movies and rock music, orders home gym shopping catalogue... you get the point. Companies like match.com club similar profiles all the time. On flights, it'd translate into seating similar profiles of people together without their knowledge to create a brilliant travel experience.

Much to my stern disapproval, the term ‘NRI season’ has become interchangeable with ‘winter’ in India. With a million of us getting on board to get home just in time to attend all the exciting New Year soirees or find love or detox at spas in Kerala or shop, a great expedition can get us a head start and put us in top gear.

Imagine: no dull moments, no noticing the lull of air pressure, young entrepreneurs exchanging notes on cash flow situations, hip fashionistas discussing the impending demise of harem pants, retired defense folks comparing details on golf shoes, mommies letting all the toddlers cry in unison without worrying about getting dirty looks and teens hitting on each other as the flight crew gently continues to dispense delicious nibblers and drinks.

Is it me or that’s a spotless illustration of a perfect world up in the air?

Here is the link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/air

Effective conversation enders

My post on GQIndia.com today.

Pick-up lines, introductions and ice-breakers have long received a sizeable amount of limelight. There are numerous books, articles and speeches by professionals documented on the subject. It's been discussed to death really. They're hyped and overrated if you ask me. But have you ever noticed that the world around you is filled with 'effective conversation enders'?

Ever heard of that guy who brought up his ex's handcuffs within seconds of meeting a new girl. Or the guy who confided in his boss that all his friends were also going to be in Goa during the pricey conference he was attending. The guy who told an acquaintance at an outdoor event that he'd rolled deodorant on his face to beat the humid weather. The guy who requested a cop to spare him when caught speeding because he was woozy from happy hour. The guy who joked with his new investors that all his girlfriends believed he had commitment issues. Yup, the air around them was all that was left soon as those words made their way out of their mouths.

May be those incidents are a tad exaggerated. But surely we've all come across milder versions of conversation killers in day to day life. The dude in the seat next to you on a long flight who insists on showing you his kid's videos on his phone. The aggressive non-aunt lady who wouldn't spare your bachelorhood at the wedding as she begins to scout girls. Your girlfriend bringing up gory details about her girls night out.

The devil doesn't necessarily lie in the stories. I’m tempted to say that every anecdote has the potential of being interesting, just as long as it bumps into the right audience. There's always someone who'll appreciate it. Relate to it. Feel it. But with the wrong company, it can go awry faster than you can say awry – the Sarah Palin effect as I fondly refer to it. The hardest part is to do the match-ups between the story category and the audience category. A little common sense, a little sense of timing and a little empathy should save one from becoming a little story himself.

On the other hand, creative souls can use it to get themselves out of all kinds of less than ideal situations: a lousy blind date (“this new rash I’ve developed is really bothering me”), a boring social dinner (“I was just teaching your kid how to spell schmuck”), a dreary Lacrosse game with new vendors (“after the 3rd drink even I’m scared of me”) or a co-workers practice power point presentation (“a few offensive jokes about the boss equals a hit ppt”).

Whatever the situation, use some effective conversation killers and drop the bombs to your advantage to get out of it scot-free. Keep the guilt at bay (it’s just an harmless little lie) and always, always remember what you bluffed about.

Here is a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/effective-conversation-enders

Light my fire

This appeared on GQIndia.com today

“Ravana is in high demand” read headlines from a newspaper this morning. Today is Dussehra, a grand festival that marks the grand finale to the nine days of dandiya delight. It’s the day when thousands gather at various spots all over the country to watch Ravana effigies being burnt.

I’ve long held the presumption that every popular Indian face at some point must secretly wish for this deep down inside. Indian gods are very kind when it comes to granting chote-mote wishes. Nothing else can explain that every superstar has had the esteemed privilege of getting his or her effigy burnt.

Big B recently had his share along with Ram Gopal Verma, to see their effigies being burnt in public. This for the liberty RGV took to temper with the national anthem and include it as a song in his film Rann. These two join the list of celebrities who've had this distinct honor before: Madhuri got hers burnt for saying something controversial about Sita in Lajja, Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty got theirs burnt for the infamous peck on the cheek, Dhoni got his burnt when India lost to Bangladesh in the last World Cup, Varun Gandhi got his burnt for pushing his luck too far and making outrageous statements, Danny Boyle got his burnt for the usage of the term 'dog' in his movie title Slumdog Millionaire and Deepa Mehta is a veteran in this field.

Burning of effigies definitely takes the stardom a notch higher. It is nothing short of a movement and our media makes it imperative for the entire country to obsess about it for a short while. It's great free publicity for the popular face and since public memory is so short, there’s actually no harm done. Mutually beneficial innit. It's a whole different story that most protests are completely blown out of proportion but who cares. Burning effigies is like celebrating Dussehra on a random day. How fun! It unites people and gives them something to do: plan, execute and reminisce. Such a stress buster.

There’s something enormously empowering and liberating about watching the Ravana effigies being burnt. It’s probably got something to do with conquering the evil and watching it turn to ashes bit. If people could apply this concept for every boss or ex-boyfriend or landlord they detest, life would carry a lot less emotional baggage. If done the right way with the right company, it can trigger off an avalanche of muck raking and release all the bitterness and negativity. Imagine this: if you’ve harbored a slight resentment towards anyone which you aren’t able to shake, a little effigy and off it goes up in the air and out of your system. Bliss.

Fit for the streets

This first appeared on GQIndia.com

You know you're getting too predictable when you speed dial the nearby pizza joint at 2 am to place an order and they don't even ask for your address. When your caddy offers you a tissue box and a Red Bull on the 5th hole at that exact second before you start panting. When your building watchman winks at you and inquires if you were expecting a late night visitor that night, night after night. When your boss offers to give you a third extension on a deadline even before you ask. When the receptionist greets you and says, "I like that this tie goes with all of your shirts" and you're unsure if that was a compliment.

While changing most habits may require a detailed project plan, Outlook reminders, a shrink and anonymous chat rooms, there's a quick fix to the receptionist-calling-you-out-daily scenario. And the fix can do more than put the secretary in place. It can not only alter your look but potentially your outlook, add a spring to your step and get the world to take notice. The best part, it's a low investment high return plan. All it takes is a bit of dedicated and focused net surfing and having plenty of light bulb moments as your stare at your wardrobe. Cherry on the cake you ask? It can NEVER get old.

Ready to open the Pandora's box? Shake the traveler in you and think of an international city you'd like to visit next. Go to a search engine and look it up. " street style blog". You'll find street style blogs on Moscow, Milan, Los Angeles, Paris, New York, London, San Francisco, Barcelona, Copenhagen (yes you read that right!), Berlin, Melbourne, Munich and several more. As the name suggests, the USP of street style blogs is what people are wearing on the streets, not the runways. These blogs showcase plenty of pictures of people in trendy and interesting outfits walking on the streets. While bloggers tend to capture the slightly wacky ones on camera and put in their two cents, you'll see a ton of fun and funky ones too. Then there are those that quintessentially reflect the flavor of the city.

The absolutely remarkable part is, it wouldn't require you to invest in a brand new wardrobe. All you'll have to do it get creative and mix it up. And voilà, you're on your way to being a New Yorker for a week and before people get too comfy with that image, off you are onto Mission Milan. Role playing can be an exhilarating game and the bonus is, when you do visit those cities, you'll feel right at home. Even if being a ‘fashion icon’ isn’t your thing, getting an additional cool title won’t hurt. Just don't forget to send season's greetings cards or thank you notes to the bloggers when you hear words like ‘swoon’ or ‘drool’ in the same sentence with your name.

Here is a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/fit-streets

Six places to visit in Vegas

This appeared on GQIndia.com today

Guy trips to Las Vegas are legendary. From Fear and Loathing… to The Hangover, no one expects a trip to sin city to be ordinary. But getting the mix right and hitting the best spots before the bright lights and spinning wheels clean you out of money and good sense is easier said than done though. So here are GQ's tips for a Vegas adventure you’ll remember for the right reasons .

Casino and hotel: Aria Don’t bother packing your pajamas because you’re not going to sleep a wink. Aria, the latest addition to the glamorous strip, is a visual treat. It is surrounded by upscale stores that feature the world's most elite brands like Dior, Hermes and Fendi. In addition to the 4000 plus guest rooms, it has some 500 suites with an exhilarating casino floor. The high rollers have access to the swankiest private space where nothing is off limits. When you want to catch a breather from all the gambling, you can head on over to one of the 16 restaurants by celebrity chefs like Michael Mina or hang out by one of the 10 bars.
Nightclub: XS at Encore Vegas is a clubber's market and quite a saturated one at that. XS at Encore is amongst the few new additions worthy of a taste. It’s popular in the celebrity circuit so men have to pay a good cover charge and wait in long lines. But can you really put a price to partying aside Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Dress to impress if you want in and just don't rule out bribing the bouncer (You didn't hear that from us). The drinks sure are expensive but how many clubs do you know with a pool area and day beds?
Pool party: Rehab at Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Rehab is a massive all-day pool party, one of the wildest you’ll find in sin city. But women in skimpy bikinis aren’t the only incentive to visit this place. If ever there was a land of plenty, Rehab would have to be it. With alcohol galore, renowned DJs, relaxing cabanas, slides and sexy vibes – it's a brilliant playground for adults. Rehab only opens every Sunday from 11 am to 8 pm and unless you're with a group of super hot babes or a hotel guest, access may not be easy. But making reservations for one of the cabanas by the pool will guarantee you a piece of the action. Be prepared though because you might need a day of rehab after Rehab.
Show: Le Rêve at Wynn This 75-minute show takes place at the gorgeous aqua theatre inside Wynn. 'Le Rêve' literally means 'The Dream' in French and the show is a collection of stunning dream sequences. It’s incredibly imaginative and shows off some pretty crazy stunts in a backdrop of rain, fire and dancing lights. Just don't get a seat in the first row unless you love getting splashed on.
Exhibit: Ferrari display at Wynn When you’ve had enough of the boozing, gambling and pretty women, head on over to the Penske Wynn Ferrari display. This part-car dealership, part-exhibit features some of the most exotic automobiles ever built. Our personal favourite is Wynn's own Enzo Ferrari that’s worth over $1.6 million. Hands off though because this beauty isn’t for sale.
Restaurant: Mix at Mandalay Bay Located on the 64th floor of Mandalay Bay, the setting at Mix is just as much an experience as the cuisine. Thousands of glass spheres hanging from the ceiling and an all-white room set the stage for elegant dining. Add a spectacular view and futuristic "pods", capsule-type booths, and you've got an intimate dining experience to woo the ladies. It's one of the most romantic restaurants you'll find anywhere. The trick is to remember to eat.

Here is a link to the article on GQIndia.com http://www.gqindia.com/content/six-places-visit-vegas

A shout-out to stalkers

This appeared on gqindia.com today

During my short period of fascination with LA tabloids, I was introduced to stalking stories which intrigued me to an embarrassing extent. It’s a phenomenon I attribute entirely to then President, George W. Bush. His bloopers, his cartoons and his public speeches loaded with ‘Bushisms’ lost fizz after a while pushing me away from conventional media into the world of yellow journalism. Restraining orders being issued to stalkers against celebs are often splashed all across tabloids. It gives me the comfort that all's well with the world.

It's not unusual for crazies to drive around the distinguished 90210 zip code and try to jump over the sky high fences to peek at their favorite celeb or hang from fragile branches to get shots of Jennifer Anniston sunbathing topless in the privacy of her backyard. Not so private after all is it. Then there would be the occasional dimwit peeing at a celebrity doorstep and getting arrested because he'd forgotten all about security cameras. Britney Spears, I concur just from the myriad stories, must be the queen of stalker land. In fact I’m willing to bet good money that stalkers-in-the-making practice with a full blown cardboard cut out of hers. They must hate her at the LA Superior Court given the work load she adds by getting countless restraining orders issued.

Come 2010 and everyone can have the esteemed privilege of having a stalker. All one has to do is activate 'Facebook places' or 'Twitter locations' or get an app like Foursquare and you're on your way to giving Britney a run for her money. With these apps, you can tell friends your location and track where you have been in real time. The 'check-in' points you earn and the lure of becoming a 'mayor' while earning discounts is sure appealing and if you aren’t a female supermodel, why fret right?

Here’s the catch. Everyone Google-searches themselves when they’re bored. It’s no surprise that the public information available about you is often frightening. If you live in the US, it’s too late to undo any damage. UK has more stringent privacy laws but it still be a significant bit. India will be there in a few years as Nilekani’s Unique Identification Card project picks up speed. As the technology world moves towards a single integrated identity across social networking platforms, combining information across your accounts and profiles, they also end up making you more vulnerable each step of the way.

As with everything else, common sense and knowledge about options and settings on these apps will save you from becoming a target. But if you're building a fan club, it's all yours to play with. Next time you make a killer presentation at work or conclude a crowd-maddening speech at the college social or win a polo match and feel like a superstar, go on a Foursquare usage spree and wait for the stalkers to roll in. Of course, a cool profile pic will help too. Enjoy the limelight.

Identity crisis in a new jacket

This appeared on gqindia.com yesterday.

Using shorter versions of ones name is cool but it’s no fun when one has to resort to coffee aliases (using Americanized version of one’s name at coffee shops) just because the server doesn’t have time for you to explain to her why your parents/relatives/neighbors chose an extraordinarily long and complex name for you and how you had no say in it.

It’s almost been a decade since I moved to US and I've noticed the gradual shift in the qualities often associated with immigrated Indians. Back in the day they were the same set of boring questions. It was all about the irreplaceable nerdy image ("Ours doctors and engineers have a multitude of skills. We don't need a third profession."), the explicit red dot on the forehead ("It is for the little boys to practice archery"), curried spicy food that could kill ("If our armed forces are overworked, then that is how we destroy our enemies"), the HQ of arranged marriages ("Try it. My aunt can set you up.") and our supernatural skill of making snakes dance (I'd vary my answer on this one).Fast forward a few years and Shilpa Shetty's yoga DVDs have replaced those of Baba Ramdev’s on Amazon's yoga section, Frieda Pinto's sizzling sex appeal has replaced Tabu's docile image on movie screens in the US, Anita Nair's memoir about dating has replaced Arundhati Roy's prismatic literature on book shelves across the nation and Anil Kapoor's cameo on ‘24’ has replaced the typical Indian-doc-with-funny-accent on most shows.

It's not just media that is projecting these new improved versions. We’ve ourselves undergone bit of a transformation. Luxury cars have replaced our loyalty towards Hondas and Toyotas. Co-workers no longer shy away from inviting us to go bungee jumping or jet skiing since we’ve finally evolved past playing cricket in neighborhood parks. We don't just order diet coke without ice at restaurants anymore and resist the temptation to cover 15 countries on a first time trip to Europe in 15 days.

A few things will never change though. Like our nerds will never cease to be nerds. And I say that lovingly. The technology world needs them. Like our men's undying love for white tennis shoes for every occasion. Slick blazer, gap jeans, hot babe and white tennis shoes. Is it a sacred thing? I don't get it. Like our kids averaging 5 rides an hour at Disneyland when others can only average about 2. Eating from home packed lunch boxes sure beats standing in hour long pizza lines. We’ve morphed all we could. The rest, the world will just have to deal with.