The 2012 Apocalypse cometh

This appeared in The South Asian Times on August 22nd.

According to the Mayan calendar, the world will come to an end on 21st December 2012. You've probably heard and read about it a few times. How do you suppose it'll happen? There are zillions of theories: A Russian hitting a button, planet X colliding with the earth, a deadly solar eclipse, electromagnetic pulse, loose nukes, dirty bombs, space attacks, information war and countless others.

It's hard to ignore something if it keeps bombarding you. That's my story. I've encountered this piece of 'news' so much that it's scared me into thinking what I need to accomplish before I complete my journey on this planet. I'm a fan of convenient theories and had assumed if I eat well, work out, abstain from vices and exercise my brain enough, I can live a healthy, happy and satisfying life for the next five decades without a glitch. Now with the 2012 deadline out of nowhere hanging like a sword, I either have to condense my wish-list ruthlessly or cut down on my sleep severely to accomplish my wishes.

The other day I purchased a book on the 1000 must see destinations in the world and I'm very very tempted to see at least 300 of them. Perhaps live at a few of them for a few months and try out their way of life. Maybe the rest of the destinations will look interesting as time goes by. And when those space tours become affordable, I want to be the first in line. I need a truck load of money put away in Swiss banks or some place exotic for that, which means I either need to win a lottery or inherit, neither of which looks like a possibility hence I will succumb to slogging away at my job. My job - I love my job. I hope to fly as high as I'm capable of and be an inspiration to at least one colleague one day.

But there's more to me than my work. I certainly want to be an ace photographer and if I can capture the essence of a person, a place or a thing with my pictures, I'd ask for no more. Also with my new found interest in the literary world, I hope to read some great works by some of the genius writers of the century. And decipher every word in the P.G. Wodehouse collection. I'm being a dreamer here but may be I can write a book one day. That's the thing about wishes. They have no connection to real life. Talking about being unreal, I would love to be a size zero for one day just so I can figure out what the hype is all about. I imagine you can't really protect yourself if someone attacked you or can't help your neighbors move their furniture if there was a hurricane with a size zero hence the one day time frame.

Oh and I need another kid so my first born can have some company. Nothing size zero like about that. Of course I'd want nothing less for them then to be interesting and well-rounded personalities. Talking about interesting, I want to meet Conan O'Brian. I think he's really funny and I want to gauge how funny he is when unscripted. He is such a stress buster. By the way, what better place than Kerala to relieve stress? I've been dying to spend 3 weeks at one of Kerala's serene detox centers to calm my nerves and treat myself to some revitalizing yoga and meditation but where is the time? And indulge in their delish food. I'm such a foodie. One day I want to be able to make 10 mouth watering Thai dishes in my chef's kitchen. My chef's kitchen - I need a chef's kitchen in a warm inviting house, a house that I still need to buy. Perhaps I'd be lucky enough to make money out of selling my first house and buy a second beach house. But before I can do any of that, I need to meet my next deadline and prepare a deck.

I'm only on page two of my wish-list diary and kinda O V E R W H E L M E D. Utter shock. Gasp for breath. Panic attack approaching. Loss of words. Numbness. Defused neurons. Dry throat. Thump. Black out.