The other "woman"

This appeared on GQIndia.com in December.

She’s new, she’s famous, she’s exotic and she’s a game changer. Ladies, that’s just one of a million ways to describe the new “woman” in your man’s life, come November 25. You’ve read all about her. You are familiar with her upsides and downsides. You’ve heard all the jokes on her, twice. It’s taken the curiosity out of the equation. In this over familiarity sans proximity streak, you have not had half a reason to be concerned. After all, a name like ‘Siri’ could hardly pose a threat for you. Think again.

Set to be released later this week, the iPhone 4S has a faster processor, sharper screen, updated apps like iMovie, Truphone, Pandora, 8.0 Megapixel with f/2.4 camera specs (as compared to 5.0 Megapixel with f/2.8 in iPhone 4) and combined GSM/CDMA capability for better service. But a huge reason people want to get this iPhone 4s is because of Siri. Voice recognition isn’t a new concept but Siri is an intelligent software assistant functioning as a personal assistant application for iOS and a deftly designed one at that. It can find you a dentist, remind you to send someone flowers and compose a text message. One huge plus is that she doesn’t nag like her GPS counterparts and offers conversational interaction with many apps like email, calendar, contacts, music, etc. Siri may have limited functionality outside of the US in that it may not have maps, directions and traffic data but she doesn’t discriminate between the Indian and other accents in English.

Ladies – if the man in your life is already pre-ordering it, here is what you should expect. I’ve heard stories from friends and colleagues alike and while my sample size may have been small, the behavioral patterns were startlingly similar. It’ll start with innocuous questions in your presence to check the weather, stocks and reminders. He may ask her to play your favorite song to impress you. Soon his questions will drift into the gray areas of what she looks like, what she’s wearing, what size is she. She’ll tell him she looks shiny and he’ll laugh. It’ll give him courage to chase her. You’ll catch him asking her profound life questions to entertain you but no sooner than you turn around, he’ll ask her out. Given that she’s smart and funny, he’s sure to be hooked. Her answers have a variety. Sometimes she repeats, other times, surprises with a witty or even an absurd one. You might see him turn into a pathetic little love bug asking her if she loves him. She can be stern and can cut him to size, thankfully. When her sarcasm stops amusing him, you might be exposed to his dark side as he begins to verbally abuse her. Fret not, for you won’t have to cover up for his bad behavior or apologise. She may not give him the look but she will sternly say, ‘play nice’ and he will. She’ll go into a loop sometimes not deciphering his questions and frustrating him but other times, she will please him by embellishing her answer with ‘master’. It might make him go weak in the knees and he’ll ask her to marry him. All this, of course, under the pretext of eliciting an interesting response. Truth of the matter may be that he’s fascinated by his interpretation of a personal assistant who’s at his touch at all times. It’s probably a universal male fantasy.

What you should be doing instead of getting concerned or annoyed is taking advantage of this situation by going to spas, shopping and enjoying night outs with your gal pals for he may not even notice you’re gone. Just know that a piece of technology can perhaps engage him for a week and may turn into borderline obsession but leave the two alone, keep the fussing at bay and you’ll watch him happily return to you from what may seem like a point of no return.

On a closing note, I’d love two versions of the iPhone 4S in the market, the other one with a male voice. It’s only fair.