Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Perfect Bride

This appeared in The South Asian Times today.

My appetite for television has reduced substantially lately with only reality shows left in my kitty.

The latest one to haunt me is The Perfect Bride. It's a reality show on Star Plus where several street smart and candid beauties have bravely taken the plunge of very publicly finding a groom on television. Or perhaps finding a modeling assignment, a second lead in a telefilm or an anchor's role on a cooking channel but let's not go there. The title has really caught my attention. It totally catches the pulse of the nation. So apt. It's on every family's wish list and it's every man's secret desire. Regardless of their own standing, caliber, appearance or attitude, everyone's shopping for a perfect bride. The bachelor boys will reason that they deserve one and their mommies will nod in unison.

What rarified qualities define a perfect bride and why the emphasis on it? It appears that those who're extremely pleasing on the eyes, cool and confident, well educated with a high flying job, dress nicely, talk their minds, share great camaraderie with everyone in the house, sing & dance to peppy bollywood numbers, cook a storm, clean like it's going out of style and even make decorative garlands out of flowers meet the criteria, on the show at least. Is this true for real life? If one is lacking in one or more qualities mentioned here, does the radar not beep? Benign smirks from apparently unassuming dulhas, dramatically romantic moments and quick witted conversations between the girls tried to digress me from understanding the crux of the matter so far but I seem to have grasped it now. It's all about expecting the world from a 5'3" skinny girl with long shiny hair.

Why is Shahrukh’s wife Gauri Khan considered more of a perfect wife than Aamir’s wife Kiran Rao? Sure Kiran is an intelligent brain from JNU but can she pull off Dolce & Gabbana’s white strapless gown with sweetheart neckline from their spring 2010 collection and bronzer all over on the cover of Vogue India like Gauri? Probably not. Can Kiran be her husband’s shadow like the impeccable Tina (Akki’s wife)? Probably not. Can Kiran go gaga over husband and family during public speeches like Aish? Probably not. Are we trained to look for stereotypes? Most definitely.

I possibly am no different so just to practice what I preach, I’m going to look for new friends. And not those who’re like me or my other half. No more stereotypes, whatever they are. I’m going to look for incredibly brainy/slightly wonky/deeply sarcastic/phenomenally arty/completely unfortunate looking/anything but the kind of people I know to this date. I’m gonna find them, hang with them and make an earnest attempt to get to know them at a deeper level. And hopefully understand people on the other side of the river.

Someday, one day, I’ll be able to tell you what perfect is. Unless you’ve figured it out for yourself already.


Kusha said...

Isn't Perfection realtive Pari?One has to work with what is available and what is yours. So if you are Shahrukh's wife you better be able to handle the media attention. If you are Aamir's wife, you better be on the same plane as him. If you are Akki's wife you better have strength to handle the media gossips.

Do you think it is all easy.And btw why make it sound as if they dont have any other credentials.Whatever follows after marriage is perks they have earned. It is their right! When guys like shahrukh or aamir decide to marry, are they fools not to know what they are going for. Will they fall for anyone? No right! they precisly know what works for them.

My heart and mind is always for Kiran Rao kinds , you know it but i feel is there are other aspects to intelligence too.

what you see is a shadow or a bronzed babe but both these choose to marry someone who had still not make it big. How many of Indian women do that Pari. Most of us are looking for a Big huge degree or settled family background. How many of us will choose to marry a guy who is a part of drama committe and want to be an actor???If not we, our parent will make us run in opposite direction!

So if they have decided to part of struggle they have all rights to enjoy the perks.

We need to understand that there is concept of multiple intelligence. Just great degree, flowery language,number of books read does not contribute to intelligence.

Kiran Rao is an intelligent women who chooses to be behind the camera. It is her personal choice. The others choose to be part of media and have to fair as per that. and btw we all know these who is more 'perfect wife' drama is media creation. It doesnt mean anything!

Phew..that was long sorry for crowding your space :D. And btw as for your getting to know the unfotunate kinds experiment needs to be done..really?? You know me already :P.

Pari said...

Touchy feely about star wives!!! Haha love it. Not making it sound like they don't have any other credentials... at least I didn't mean to. Was merely exemplifying the 'perfect bride' public notion with the star wives story... not attacking or defending them at all. But you bring up some great points. They've earned their perks and it's their right. So more power to them.

As for your last statement, I'm not even going to dignify it with a response. Grrrrr. Not funny not funny not funny. :|

Kusha said...

Haha you let me off pretty easy on this one. yeah i got your point on the mass mentality. makes sense but i had to present a case on the first wives ;) or what the hollywood calls the Starter wives :), for reasons unknown to me :D.